First Service

Sunday 27th September

Slept very well last night – I think I only woke up once before I should have. It was interesting sharing the bathroom with five other girls. The system appeared to be first come, first served with courtesy thrown in as well. No fallings out though so we’re doing well. Breakfast was . . . crowded. When we arrived for dinner last night, the coach from London hadn’t arrived so a third of the people didn’t come in till partway through. This morning though . . . FULL HOUSE!! Slightly crazy & pretty noisy but the porridge pot was there so I really didn’t mind. Porridge was a bit runnier than on the holidays, but it’s still the best I’ve had – hence the mention.

There’re so many people!! I sat with the girls in my room at breakfast, but there was still at least one person at the table who I’d not spoken to. There’s been new faces nearby each time I’ve sat down and whilst I know I’ll get to know them before very long, it still feels a bit overwhelming – but not in a bad way. I think because I’ve been in situations like this before, like at uni and even here on the holidays, I’m not stressing about learning everyone’s name (fortunately everyone’s been asked to wear a name badge for the first week), just trying to remember the ones I’ve been told.

I’ve already had one offer of a visit to America: one of the girls I sat with at dinner last night said she was from Grand Rapids, Michigan, at which I promptly said I was jealous (in a healthy, Christian way!). My brother and I grew up listening to Uncle Charlie on the Children’s Bible Hour (“Box 1, Grand Rapids, Michigan and the zip is 49501”) and Zondervan and quite a few of the major Christian media companies seem to be based there. When I explained this, I was promptly told I’d have to go and visit. She’d better be careful, or I just might take her up on that!

One of my roommates discovered that she had some post already, so on a whim I went to see if I did. One of the girls who was a volunteer on staff during the 18-30’s week got talking with me on a walk we did on the Sunday and she’d left me a note! It’s now sitting in my bible at the verse that she marked: Psalm 42:11 ‘Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.’ I was downcast before I came – packing was a nightmare (and I discovered last night that I managed to mess it up!) – and my life has been on hold for so long with health issues etc. yet there I was in the days before coming, waiting for life to start happening again. That’s the thing about getting over my depression: my counsellor got me to look at what goes through my mind whenever I have what I lovingly refer to as a meltdown; so now whenever I feel down or life gets on top of me, I look at what’s going on to try and mentally get past it. Whilst there’s nothing wrong with that and it is very practical, it’s relying on myself – which is destined to fail. One of the things I need to learn here is not only to put my hope in God, but my trust as well; and KEEP them there.



Just had the morning service. Services on Sunday, lectures during the week.

Rob Whittaker spoke on John 1:40-42 using a music video by The Killers: Are we human or are we dancers? The song comes from a quote by Hunter S. Thompson ‘America is raising a nation of dancers’ – which wasn’t a complement. People are being raised as marionettes wearing masks: they’re controlled by forces outside of them and are afraid to say ‘this is who I am; this is what I’m struggling with.’

Jesus answers that in verse 42 where He says to Simon:

You are Simon . . . I know who you are – I know you better than you know you; I will explain you to you!
. . . son of John. I know where you are coming from – the good, the bad & the ugly
You will be called Cephas (which when translated, is Peter). I know what I can make you! I can see what you can’t see i.e. the finished product when I start working in your life

This was all punctuated by a Jonny Diaz music video: More Beautiful You – which I couldn’t help wishing I’d seen when I was 14.

I have a stone in my bible case now. There was a stone on each chair when we went in this morning. Carolyn (who runs the outreach) asked the question: how much work would it take to make that stone smooth? Then, how much work would it take to make me smooth? What needs refining in my life? What do I need to learn? Then after communion, the idea was that we give that to God and place our stone at the foot of a large wooden cross that had been set up at the front.

That’s why I came here: there’s a lot that needs working on and refining in my life. Whilst I don’t know all the specifics, God does and I came here to let Him do that and shape me into the person He created me to be.

Carolyn said that the Holy Spirit is a Gentleman and He won’t force His way into our lives: we have to let Him work in us. So I put a stone at the foot of that cross and said ‘here I am God, all Yours,’ now I just have to try and keep that mind frame – hence the stone in my bible cover.

One of the other questions Carolyn asked at the start of the illustration was ‘is there a gift you have that you’ve been hiding and do you need to step out in faith and confidence?’ Answer: yes. So tonight when it’s my turn to say the four things, I will actually be saying: I’m Hannah, I’m from England and before Capernwray I was an Egyptologist working in a bank and when I leave, unless God points in a different direction, I’m going to be a writer. (This is the part where my parents start panicking, but I’ve got a year to work on it and make it happen.) It feels right in the same way that coming to Capernwray felt right.

Rob quoted a friend of his in his talk: ‘If you don’t get something on a Sunday that you can use before you hit the car park – ask for your money back.’

No refunds so far.